Saturday, July 10, 2010

Lethal Weapon V

Noted anti-Semite Mel Gibson [right] and his frightening-looking ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva [left]. The deranged Gibson is accused of beating Grigorieva and accusing her of being a tempting target to "a pack of niggers!" with her scantily clad outfits.

This just in: Mel Gibson is a racist asshole. For those of you shocked by this statement, shame on you. What, his anti-Semitic rantings a few years ago [against a bunch of cops who dared try to get his drunk Aussie ass off the road before he killed someone] wasn't enough for you? You dismissed it as a drunken rant by a man who was otherwise a great guy who looked hot in a kilt?

You are an asshole, then. Gibson's latest attempt to thoroughly sabotage his career is the simply fascinating diatribe he laid on his incredibly disturbing-looking ex-girlfriend. Take a listen. I think some engineer should double-track it with the aforementioned anti-Semitic rant and release it as a single [do they still have singles?].

Gibson may be in deep shit this time, hopefully. This wack-job has now been named as a potential suspect in a domestic violence investigation involving the disturbing-looking ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva [who I think might be Carol Channing in a wig].

She is also the woman with whom he fell in bed while still married - which annoyed his wife - and led to the end of Gibson's marriage to said wife [although, technically, while both have filed for divorce, it is still pending. See, there's hope yet!].

Back to the domestic violence. While I realize in 21st-century America it is ok to hold a knife to your wife's neck [at least it is if you make CBS a lot of money on that stupid sitcom Two and a Half Men (which should be renamed Two Men and The White O.J.)]. In this case, police believe Gibson attacked Grigorieva back on January 6, 2010, in one of his dozens of homes, this one in Malibu. In one of those delicious ironies, the D.V. investigation is being conducted by the same sheriff's substation that is home to the very same cops Gibson accused of being "fucking kikes" when they arrested his ass in his 2006 drunk driving fiasco.

To his credit,Gibson eventually apologized for being caught on tape making those anti-Semitic [and sexist] rants during his arrest. He played the "I've battled alcoholism for all of my adult life" card, seemingly arguing that he only hates the Jews when he drinks.

Wisely, Gibson's remarks in 2006 led to a lengthy 'cooldown' period for the actor, who at one time was once one of Hollywood's most bankable stars.

Hopefully his next cooldown period will be behind bars. Note to Mel: lose the kilt, pal. Not a great idea in jail.

copyright 2010 by EBBP Redux. If you are reading this on a blog or website other than EBBP Redux or via a feedreader, this content has been stolen and used without permission.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

July 4, 1776

On this, the 234th anniversary of the birth of the United States, what could be more appropriate than reprinting the document? Well, apparently, nothing: nearly every goddamned newspaper in the country, in an effort to give the editorial board the day off, simply reprints the damned thing and plays it off like they're dong something noteworthy and patriotic.

That's not for Evil B. No. Reprint it? Yes. But a 21st-century translation to make the document come alive for the nearly brain-dead youth of America is far, far more important. Old fucks like myself will soon be dust in over the next 50 years. After us, there will be about 7 people in the entire country who even know that the world existed before they were born, let alone a thing about American history.

So, on this Independence Day 2010, I think it important to lay down for posterity - all 7 of them who will be able to read - what our forefathers (a notoriously prickly bunch, mind you), really meant in the document finished on July 2nd and then read to the sweating masses on July 4, 1776.

So, below, you'll find the original text following by the 2010 translation in bold. With that, I wish a Happy Independence Day to everyone. And God help the United States of America:

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776 [since we've gone to the trouble to lock ourselves up in this God-awfully hot room for weeks - with no air conditioning and unbelievably poor bathing habits, the least you can do is remember this date].

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of America [Listen up]:

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another [It's about time we end this ridiculous idea that somehow Great Britain is still relevant to our day-to-day lives] and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them [just like the Jews in ancient Egypt, we're entitled to break from England; however, who in the hell wants to wander in the desert for 40 years? So, we've decided that we're not leaving; the British are] a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation [just so you don't think we're a bunch of ungrateful millionaires, we're going to tell you why we're splitting with England].

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal [It's pretty damned obvious that all white men with property are about the same], that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness [God has given us the right to remove this asshole's boot from our necks].

— That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed [because we're all a bunch of unruly cretins - well, at least you are - we have to keep the peace by creating governments and laws so you all don't run rampant across the countryside...most of which we own, by the way],

— That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government [when that government becomes a burr in our saddle, however, we have the right to rise up and squash it like at tick], laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness [and we have the right to replace it with something slightly less annoying].

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes [you shouldn't just go and overthrow a government solely because it sucks; you couldn't get a good nation off the ground that way]; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed [that's why most of us would rather sit around bitching and moping as opposed to actually doing something about it].

But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security [when you've got a real egregious son-of-a-bitch who simply makes your life unbearable (discounting the wife, of course) - you simply have to say 'Enough' and start breaking some heads].

— Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States [Such is our current situation: King George III has been such a bastard, such a low-life scumbag, he simply has to go].

To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world [Don't believe us? Get a load of what this asshole's done just in the last few years].

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good [he simply gives us the finger whenever we ask Parliament to pass laws for our benefit].

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them [Then he gives us some half-assed response like telling his royal governors they can't approve anything until they run it by him first; which would be fine if we had phones or email. We don't though, so it takes six fucking weeks to send him our request and another six weeks to get his response...and that's if he's not on vacation or whoring around Germany (he's German, you know). In that case, good luck getting a response before three months...hell, up to even a year; by that point, most of us have forgotten what the hell we asked him in the first place].

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only [plus, just to get a response we have to agree that he's in charge and Parliament - not our colonial legislatures - are the only group of boobs we can go to with a request].

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures [Not sure if you noticed, but Parliament is in England; you can't walk it].

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people [Not sure why we put this here; it's basically a repeat of the paragraph above that begins 'He has refused to pass other Laws', etc].

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise [he abolishes our colonial legislatures]; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within [it's a fucking mess].

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands [he keeps us from moving from one colony to another without one of his stupid passport thingies - and God forbid you want to move into a territory that's not yet a colony].

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers [we can't even name our own judges; and those funny powdered wigs they wear are cool, too].

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries [they all work for the Man; and that's George, in case you haven't been paying attention].

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance [then he sends the most dreadful people over here to run our governments; and we're not talking about your Wellingtons and Burkes, either. Think about it - if a guy has a great legal or military mind, why the hell would you send him out of your country to America? No, we get that most dangerous creature: the rich moron].

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures [if you think the government agents are bad, you oughta see the cretins he sends from his armies; most of them aren't even British for Christ's sake - They're German! Those people have never even sat on chairs before!].

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power [The idiot political hacks he sends over here have no control over these Huns].

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation [Here's just a few of the things those government nabobs from England have done, just to tickle your ass with a feather, so to speak]:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us [George puts these heathen soldiers into our homes where they can grope our wives and say rude things to our daughters; not to mention the homos among their ranks, who grope us and say rude things to our sons]:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States [then, when these soldiers rape, murder and do other nasty things to us, we can't even get a real trial for the criminals because of the aforementioned refusal to let us have our own courts]:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world [On one of his whims he can decide we can't trade in something ]:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent [He's got his hand in my wallet. If you had more than a pot to piss in, he'd have it in your wallet, too]:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury [see the above paragraph about judges, etc]:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences [He drags our asses back to England for show-trials which end up with us on the gallows]:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies [what the fuck has he been doing up in Canada? If there's anything more annoying than a British soldier, it's a Canadian one on one of those faggy-looking ponies]

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments [he abolishes any law he doesn't dig]:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever [Here we seem to be putting it on a little thick: I mean, we really hit this point two or three times above].

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us [he's shooting at us, too!].

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people [We're at war with this cocksucker].

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation [see the aforementioned about the Huns].

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands [he does thing thing called 'impressment' where he captures our sailors and then makes them work on British ships; and the food on a British ship sucks incredibly. The Royal Navy invented scurvy, for God's sake!].

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions [He's really lighting a fire under the Indians' asses; and those ungrateful sons-of-bitches are mean as hell, too; they'd just as soon slit your throat as wish you a 'Good morning'.].

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people [we've tried to be supplicant to His Royal Prickness, but to no avail].

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence [We've tried going around George, too: we know that most British citizens despise the crazy bastard; we've tried to get them as pissed off as we are, pointing out that if he can do this to us, he could do it to them, too].

They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends [they couldn't give a rustier fuck].

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare [we've had enough! Listen up, assholes],

That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown , and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved [don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, George] ; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do [we are now going to proceed to go medieval on your ass, George].

— And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor [We realize we're all dead if we don't win this thing, so by signing it we're basically agreeing - like Ben Franklin says - to 'hang together' or surely we will all hang separately].

— John Hancock

New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

copyright 1776, 2010 by EBBP Redux. If you are reading this on a blog or website other than EBBP Redux or via a feedreader, this content has been stolen and used without permission.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

87 Years Ago Our Forefathers...

Had Abraham Lincoln delivered the original address as I describe below, this photo would probably have been of a mob of people tearing him limb from limb. As it is, it is the only known photo of Lincoln at Gettysburg. The photographer - figuring that Lincoln would drone on as long as the two-hour address delivered by Edward Everett - didn't have enough time to set up his equipment before Lincoln delivered the speech and sat down. This photo captures Lincoln as he receives congratulations on the speech.

By now, you have probably heard about the newly discovered word "subjects" that Thomas Jefferson initially wrote in a draft of the Declaration of Independence - before erasing [obliterating is more like it] the word and replacing it with "citizens". If not, here goes:

For decades, historians have wondered what the hell Thomas Jefferson originally wrote initially before writing the word "citizens". It was clear from the smear in the ink that something had been written beforehand, but that Jefferson had erased it. The most common guesses were "patriots" or "residents", although Evil B has long argued that the word is "assholes".

The Library of Congress ended the mystery. Using a modified version of the kind of spectral imaging technology developed for the military and for monitoring agriculture, research scientists literally reconstructed the word that Jefferson banished in 1776 "subjects".

The Library's discovery is the first major finding attributed to these new high-tech instruments. By studying the document at different wavelengths of light, including infrared and ultraviolet, researchers detected slightly different chemical signatures in the remnant ink of the erased word than in "citizens." Those differences allowed the team to bring the erased word back to life.

But Jefferson was a wily fuck. He clearly worked hard at covering up the word, even though it was just a draft. Jefferson sought to match the lines and curves of the underlying smudged letters exactly with the new letters he wrote on top of them. The research scientists [led by Fenella France] literally spent weeks pulling out each letter out until the full word became apparent.

The erased word is on the third of the draft's four pages, in the section that describes the various ways that King George III was a royal douchebag. To be truthful, though, this is an exercise for geeks like me: the sentence is not found in the later Declaration of Independence itself. Meaning, we're not talking about a word that Jefferson removed from the final document. Just in the draft.

Still, I think finding Jefferson's erased word is pretty damned cool. Plus, there several other projects that are in progress, including Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

That got me thinking about what mysteries are going to be revealed in the years to come. Here's a sampling of just two documents I can think of:

Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address:

"87 years ago the United States was created with the idea that all white males are the same. So how in the hell did we end up engaged in a great civil war? We have come here to these killing fields to put up a stupid marker to point out to future generations just how stubborn and obnoxious this generation was. The fact is, there is no way we can accurately and justly do this: I mean, what kind of a lunatic would run headlong into a volley of gunfire and sure death? You'd have to be a complete moron; not just obnoxious and stubborn, right? Look, nobody is gonna remember what the hell any of us say here today - certainly not the two-hour borefest this asshole [turning to Edward Everett next to him on stage] - but I hope they won't forget all this bloodshed. For those of us still breathing, we have to be here dedicated to ending this lunacy. Then and only then can we say these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom - and from stupidity — and that government of the dirty filthy masses, by less filthy and fewer masses, for the aforementioned dirty masses, ain't such a bad idea after all."

FDR's 1933 Inauguration Address:

"I am certain that many of you expect that - on my induction into the Presidency - I will walk on water and solve all of your problems. Well, first of all, I haven't walked since 1921, so get that idea right out of your head. I will, however, talk to you about this goddamned mess that this idiot [turning to Herbert Hoover on the grandstand] left me. I'm going to do something now that is rarely done by a politician - I'm going to tell you the truth. First of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing you have to fear is fear itself — very real, understandable, justified terror. Me? I'm going to be fine, I'm a millionaire, people. But, I'm pretty smart, so I am reasonably certain that I can save your asses if you'll stay the hell out of my way over the next few critical months.

True, a guy who lives on a big estate in upstate New York, who has never worked a day in his life and who has no idea what you're all going through might seem an odd choice to help you. Then again, this moron [again, turning to Hoover] didn't come from any money and look what he's done to you. Normally, when I do to a lady-friend what he's done to you, I at least buy her dinner first. This guy just went full-bore into your ass like a bull in a china shop. But I digress: they tell me that you're all suffering from tremendous losses in material things. Your savings have shrunken to hysterically funny levels; your taxes have risen; your ability to pay has fallen; none of you has any income; basically, you're all a bunch of deadbeats.

First of all: get over yourselves, people. You're not the first generation to get run over by an economic truck. It's not as though you've been stricken by a plague of locusts. Compared with the shit which our forefathers dealt with in the various wars, carnage and nasty medical procedures done without anesthesia, you people got it pretty good, so quit whining.

Truth be told, we all know who is responsible for this: the Jews. These shady, smarmy money changers have now fled from their high seats in the temple of our civilization to the dark recesses from whence they came. We may now restore that temple to an ancient truth: don't do business with the Jews. This is good. Our ability to do so will be a measure of our ability to apply social values more noble than mere monetary profit. Well, for you anyway: I still have tremendous upkeep on my various properties and such.

For you who have none, happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of occasionally getting laid with a woman who is not your wife; in the thrill of putting your hand up an unfamiliar lady-friend's skirt. The joy and stimulation of that first ejaculation into the aforementioned lady-friend no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profits, which most of you will never see anyway. These dark days will be worth all they cost you if they teach you that your true destiny is not to try to be as rich as I am, but to die with a hard-on and smile on your face.

My greatest primary task is to put you people to work before you all get out of hand. This is no unsolvable problem because I am wise and ballsy. I'm going to deal with this as I would the emergency of a war. First, and quite frankly, we need to recognize that too goddamned-many of you live in the cities and slums. We've got to get as many of you out into the less-populated areas of the land. You're all packed in these cities like roaches in one of them Raid roach traps. Only you're alive. To do this, though, I've got to give you a reason to move to the country and farm lands. To do this, I will artificially jack up the price of agricultural products in an effort to get you greedy bastards onto the farms doing something useful, for God's sake. Granted, it'll be the first real work most of you have done in your miserable lives. Still, since most of you have already had your homes foreclosed on and have no jobs, what the hell else are you gonna do all day, besides annoying me by sleeping on the White House lawn?

Finally, in my progress toward a resumption of work I require two safeguards against a return of the evils of the old order: first, there must be a strict supervision of the Jews. Second, we must have a similarly strict supervision of all banking and credits, and investments, so that there will be an end to speculation with other people's money. These are the lines of attack. I shall presently urge upon a new Congress, in special session, detailed measures for their fulfillment, and I shall seek the immediate assistance of the several States.

Now, enough about the economy. In the field of world policy I would dedicate this Nation to the policy of the good neighbor — "good" being defined as the neighbor who resolutely respects himself and, because he does so, more often than not respects the rights of others — unless they interfere with what we want to do, in which case we'll crush you like the aforementioned roaches. If I read the temper of our people correctly, we now realize as we have never realized before that - for the most part - the other nations of the world are a real pain in the ass. However, our interdependence on other nations means we can't just ignore the bastards, either. This I propose to offer: I will send our troops into battle in no foreign wars. Obviously, you idiots: if we're fighting in it, then it is not a foreign war, is it? Duh.

With these pledges taken, I assume unhesitatingly the leadership of this great army of the poor, huddled, deadbeat masses dedicated to a disciplined attack upon our common problems: the Jews, the economy, and other nations. In that order, by the way. This is feasible under the form of government which we have inherited from our ancestors. Our Constitution is so simple and practical because you interpret it any damned way you see fit. Hence, it is possible always to meet extraordinary needs by changes in emphasis and arrangement without ever really changing the damned thing. That is why our constitutional system has proved itself the most superbly enduring political mechanism the world has produced - with the exception of prostitution, naturally. It has met every stress of vast expansion of territory - the Constitution, not whores; although they don't hurt, either. It has met the stress of wars, of bitter internal strife, of world relations. In a perfect world, we'd have that normal balance of Executive and legislative authority that we all say we know and love. Well, I think I've outlined for you here that this is no perfect world: so, I say to Congress: shit or get off the pot. I'm not gong to wait around while you idiots sit there with your thumbs up your asses all day. This unprecedented crisis calls for undelayed action and the hopefully [wink, wink]temporary departure from that normal balance of public procedure. Therefore, I am prepared under my constitutional duty to recommend the measures that a stricken Nation in the midst of a stricken world may require. These measures, or such other measures as come to my mind on a whim, I shall seek - within or without my constitutional authority, to bring a speedy end to this mess.

For the trust you all have reposed in me I will return the courage and the devotion that befit the time - within the confines of my daily schedule. That is: I'm not working more than 6 hours a day: I'm in a wheelchair, for Christ's sake.

I have no doubt that you will all face the arduous days that lie before you in the warm courage of national unity - providing I can come up with enough busy-work for you to do. The people of the United States have not failed - well, not all of them, anyway. In their need they have registered a mandate that they want direct, vigorous action. They have asked for discipline and direction under leadership. They have made me the present instrument of their wishes. In the spirit of the gift I take it. In this dedication of a Nation I humbly ask the blessing of God, yadda, yadda, yadda. May He protect me from each and every one of you. May He guide me in the days to come as I figure out what the hell to do with all of you."

copyright 2010 by EBBP Redux. If you are reading this on a blog or website other than EBBP Redux or via a feedreader, this content has been stolen and used without permission.